Thursday, February 28, 2013
Take a chance
As I take a moment to reflect upon my life and the wonderful people that have been brought into it, I can't help but feel as though the friendships I've made have hardly been by chance. Each person who has walked along side me in my pathway of life has made a ripple- much like a stone being cast into a lake. Occassionally I've allowed myself to get lost in the water, focusing more on where the stone lands and who cast it verses the greater effect the stone will have on the lake over time. I've realized with time, that who I am today is every bit as much to do with who I was yesterday and who I ultimately strive to be.
Priorities change. People change. Friendships fade away... and often times the only thing your left with is a big, heavy stone in the bottom of the lake and two choices. The choice to be greater than who you were, or the choice to allow your mistakes, your fears, and promises that have been broken you to weigh down on your life and who you ultimately want to become.
I consider a quote I recently read that said something along the lines of 'Be today who you want to be tomorrow.' As a young mother, I consider those words and want to heed their warning as much as I want to follow their dream. 'Be TODAY who you want to be TOMORROW.'
Who do I want to be? How do I become that person that I don't yet know? It's all in a day's work... One day- one step- one moment- one choice at a time.
I often find it easier to store away lifes past events- refusing to embark on the memory of their happenings, with the hope that one day that greate big rock in the lake will allow them to sink. Instead, I'm often haunted by their reality in lifes most trying times. Like most, I'm not as strong as my best face. You know... the one you put on to pretend as though you couldn't possibly relate to the problems facing so many today.
I don't want to show that face. Instead, I want to scream to the whole world that despite all my trials... and challenges... and despite the fact that deep down... like... really, really deep down, I'm not okay...
But, I know I will be. Because I know tomorrow brings hope- and sunshine- and peace. And if I live today like I want tomorrow to be- despite the rain clouds looming over, I have friends who love me for ME.
I'm grateful for that.... because I know it's not by chance.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Mommy Failure
Have you ever felt overwhelmed in your own skin? It's as though you know your capable of so much more than the reality that you accomplish within the sun lit hours of the day- yet you fall short again and again?
In a nutshell, thats how I feel.
Overwhelmed.
Within the last year I've noticed a drastic difference in Connor's speech compared to that of Brenden's at the same age. I often find myself asking Connor to repeat himself over and over again until I'm able to make out some variation of what he's trying to express. And, with all the hassle of repeating himself dozens of times, he never once complains... Just repeats. And repeats. And repeats.
C:"Mommy! Yesday when we went to da stow and you bought da bahdujsbgkf, we fogot to buy da bed (bread) too."
M: "We forgot to buy the what, Connor?"
C: The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bagels?
C: No! The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bag of stuff?
C: No, we fo-got to get daaa bahhh-dujjjjs-bgkf!"
M: Oh. Okay Connor. You'll have to remind me next time.
Failure.
Seriously. It's a complete Mommy failure to not understand what your own child is trying to convey to you. It's a complete Mommy failure to GIVE UP trying to understand a word that sounds like a foreign language. It's a complete Mommy failure to not know how to help.
Several months back, Jay and I got sweet Connor tested by and speech and language pathologist. The woman conducted several tests, and provided us with scores. She was highly impressed by Connors ability to use and understand language. It was his articulation of certain letter sounds that was concerning. He scored a 14. Meaning, 86% of kids Connors same age can articulate letter sounds better than he can. After submitting the claim to insurance in hopes of starting Connor on a speech regimin, insurance would not authorize treatment. Due to Connors high scores in other areas, his trouble with articulation constitutes merely as an "educational delay" and not a "medical necessity."
Call me crazy- but is it not medically necessary to communicate?
Thats when we turned to the district. At the time, Connor was attending Childhood Expressions preschool. His amazing teacher, Ms. Tasha directed me to our school district for help. Once again, however, we were turned away. Connors score of 14 was "too high" to qualify for help. In this below exemplary school district, one must score a "7" or below in order to receive help. They suggested I wait a few months and have him retested to see if his score dropped. In the meantime, I was to try to create games out of making letter sounds, and practice nonstop.
Which is where our repetition has come in. "Connor, can you say 'Sssssssss-nake?'
C: "Nnnnnn-ake!'
M:" Oh, that was good. Can you try it like me? Watch my mouth. 'Ssssssssss-nake!"
C: "NNNNNNNNNN-ake!"
M "Good try Connor. Lets do it one more time!"
C: "I CAN'T do dat with my mowf!"
Overwhelmed.
Mommy failure.
How can I help a child who is so bright, and so wonderful, articulate his letter sounds so others can discover what a fun, ingenious little boy he is.
I seem to be failing on my own. And unfortunately finances don't make it easy to put him back in school, to help enrich his ingenious- and help his speech bloom in a new setting.
I just feel so... overwhelmed. Like, a mommy failure.
In a nutshell, thats how I feel.
Overwhelmed.
Within the last year I've noticed a drastic difference in Connor's speech compared to that of Brenden's at the same age. I often find myself asking Connor to repeat himself over and over again until I'm able to make out some variation of what he's trying to express. And, with all the hassle of repeating himself dozens of times, he never once complains... Just repeats. And repeats. And repeats.
C:"Mommy! Yesday when we went to da stow and you bought da bahdujsbgkf, we fogot to buy da bed (bread) too."
M: "We forgot to buy the what, Connor?"
C: The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bagels?
C: No! The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bag of stuff?
C: No, we fo-got to get daaa bahhh-dujjjjs-bgkf!"
M: Oh. Okay Connor. You'll have to remind me next time.
Failure.
Seriously. It's a complete Mommy failure to not understand what your own child is trying to convey to you. It's a complete Mommy failure to GIVE UP trying to understand a word that sounds like a foreign language. It's a complete Mommy failure to not know how to help.
Several months back, Jay and I got sweet Connor tested by and speech and language pathologist. The woman conducted several tests, and provided us with scores. She was highly impressed by Connors ability to use and understand language. It was his articulation of certain letter sounds that was concerning. He scored a 14. Meaning, 86% of kids Connors same age can articulate letter sounds better than he can. After submitting the claim to insurance in hopes of starting Connor on a speech regimin, insurance would not authorize treatment. Due to Connors high scores in other areas, his trouble with articulation constitutes merely as an "educational delay" and not a "medical necessity."
Call me crazy- but is it not medically necessary to communicate?
Thats when we turned to the district. At the time, Connor was attending Childhood Expressions preschool. His amazing teacher, Ms. Tasha directed me to our school district for help. Once again, however, we were turned away. Connors score of 14 was "too high" to qualify for help. In this below exemplary school district, one must score a "7" or below in order to receive help. They suggested I wait a few months and have him retested to see if his score dropped. In the meantime, I was to try to create games out of making letter sounds, and practice nonstop.
Which is where our repetition has come in. "Connor, can you say 'Sssssssss-nake?'
C: "Nnnnnn-ake!'
M:" Oh, that was good. Can you try it like me? Watch my mouth. 'Ssssssssss-nake!"
C: "NNNNNNNNNN-ake!"
M "Good try Connor. Lets do it one more time!"
C: "I CAN'T do dat with my mowf!"
Overwhelmed.
Mommy failure.
How can I help a child who is so bright, and so wonderful, articulate his letter sounds so others can discover what a fun, ingenious little boy he is.
I seem to be failing on my own. And unfortunately finances don't make it easy to put him back in school, to help enrich his ingenious- and help his speech bloom in a new setting.
I just feel so... overwhelmed. Like, a mommy failure.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Green Machine
Have I introduced you to my new obsession?
Just three weeks ago I ran into a phenomenal blog. Okay, maybe that's a stretch. I didn't simply "run into it." I was actually kindly taken by the hand, walked all the way to the blog site door, and then sweetly invited inside. The blog did an amazing job of uncovering some of my previous perplexities regarding couponing with real life advice and sample shopping lists!
Prior to the "big day" I did some safety runs. I wanted to see if walking into a CVS store with little cash on hand, and breaking up my purchases would really score me tons of free/inexpensive items. The first days cost? $13.00 My loot? Cepocol, Childrens Advil, (4) 12 packs of soda, toilet paper, kleenex, thermacare heat pack, 20 oz soda, hotwheels car, glad plug in, airwick plug in, powerade, havarties mints, shaving cream and more!
So when Thanksgiving came, my heart was pounding. I had already seen the blackfriday ads listed online- and my heart was set for CVS. I was about to walk into the store with no cash on hand, and walk out with over $30 in products for FREE. That's right folks, free. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
And that's exactly what I did. In fact, the deals were so good, I sent Jay back for a second round using his own CVS care card. In the loot I scored two sets of ear buds, 4 free toothbrushes, two bags of mouth plackards and AA batteries! Cheesy? Maybe. But I bet you wish you had found something free.
Seriously... try it out. If you live near a CVS- take advantage! Walgreen's has some good deals periodically too, though I don't understand their ad shopping/sale couponing nearly as well as I do CVS. (Which obviously stands for Coupon-Value-Savings) :)
If my post got you in the mood to go save some green, hobble on over to Moneysavingmom.com She'll take you by the hand and walk you through how to coupon based on coupons and ads. You'll be glad you did.
Just three weeks ago I ran into a phenomenal blog. Okay, maybe that's a stretch. I didn't simply "run into it." I was actually kindly taken by the hand, walked all the way to the blog site door, and then sweetly invited inside. The blog did an amazing job of uncovering some of my previous perplexities regarding couponing with real life advice and sample shopping lists!
Prior to the "big day" I did some safety runs. I wanted to see if walking into a CVS store with little cash on hand, and breaking up my purchases would really score me tons of free/inexpensive items. The first days cost? $13.00 My loot? Cepocol, Childrens Advil, (4) 12 packs of soda, toilet paper, kleenex, thermacare heat pack, 20 oz soda, hotwheels car, glad plug in, airwick plug in, powerade, havarties mints, shaving cream and more!
So when Thanksgiving came, my heart was pounding. I had already seen the blackfriday ads listed online- and my heart was set for CVS. I was about to walk into the store with no cash on hand, and walk out with over $30 in products for FREE. That's right folks, free. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
And that's exactly what I did. In fact, the deals were so good, I sent Jay back for a second round using his own CVS care card. In the loot I scored two sets of ear buds, 4 free toothbrushes, two bags of mouth plackards and AA batteries! Cheesy? Maybe. But I bet you wish you had found something free.
Seriously... try it out. If you live near a CVS- take advantage! Walgreen's has some good deals periodically too, though I don't understand their ad shopping/sale couponing nearly as well as I do CVS. (Which obviously stands for Coupon-Value-Savings) :)
If my post got you in the mood to go save some green, hobble on over to Moneysavingmom.com She'll take you by the hand and walk you through how to coupon based on coupons and ads. You'll be glad you did.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Picture This!
When my camera wasn't lost, the battery was dead. If the battery capability was up to parr, the Sim card was lost. When all was in tact, Mommy was no where to be found....
Going back to school during this time has been one of the best decisions I could have made for myself... and my family.
My children are not being shoved off into the arms of another woman whom I'm forced to share custody with and write out a monthly "child support" check to. I haven't been so overburdened with school work that I've lost the desire to be emotionally, mentally or physical present in the my children and husbands lives. We continue to go to church, excite in family getaways and thrive on quality time well spent.
However, with all good things, something has got to give. In this case, it has been the photographer in me that has escaped. Maybe the blogger too. And a little bit of the quality control chef. Hey- we eat, but, I'm sure theres a nice family, several doors down, eating a much nicer meal.
Challenging that concept, I broke out the camera this evening only to find the battery worn and on the verge of death, the Sim card buried beneath piles of school assignments and the cap removed, with fingerprints lining the lens.
I cared not. I snapped away- ignoring the tattered trees, and displeasing angles. Instead, I focused on my subject... my world- my boys.
Pictures- the worth of a thousand words. Memories. Moments I'll never again get to recapture.
Pictures. Something I long to have more of. To consume myself with. Something that will, in the end, "pay off."
When my world has grown and moved away, I'll have pictures to keep my memory company. What a gift. What a treasure.
Going back to school during this time has been one of the best decisions I could have made for myself... and my family.
My children are not being shoved off into the arms of another woman whom I'm forced to share custody with and write out a monthly "child support" check to. I haven't been so overburdened with school work that I've lost the desire to be emotionally, mentally or physical present in the my children and husbands lives. We continue to go to church, excite in family getaways and thrive on quality time well spent.
However, with all good things, something has got to give. In this case, it has been the photographer in me that has escaped. Maybe the blogger too. And a little bit of the quality control chef. Hey- we eat, but, I'm sure theres a nice family, several doors down, eating a much nicer meal.
Challenging that concept, I broke out the camera this evening only to find the battery worn and on the verge of death, the Sim card buried beneath piles of school assignments and the cap removed, with fingerprints lining the lens.
I cared not. I snapped away- ignoring the tattered trees, and displeasing angles. Instead, I focused on my subject... my world- my boys.
Pictures- the worth of a thousand words. Memories. Moments I'll never again get to recapture.
Pictures. Something I long to have more of. To consume myself with. Something that will, in the end, "pay off."
When my world has grown and moved away, I'll have pictures to keep my memory company. What a gift. What a treasure.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Pumpkin Pancakes
When you think of "fall" something must possibly come to mind... and that something couldn't possibly be anything shy of PUMPKINS!
In my willingness to experiment with the lack of food in my home, I decided we were going to have pumpkin pancakes. They were delicious. Like little flattened pumpkin pie cakes. Here's the recipe if your daring enough to try...
Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups pancake mix
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground allspice (apple or pumkin pie spice work too!)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2- 2 1/2 cups milk
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 egg
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 tablespoons vinegar
Directions:
1.In a separate bowl, mix together the milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar. Combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt, stir into the pumpkin mixture just enough to combine.
2.Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot with whipped cream.See More
In my willingness to experiment with the lack of food in my home, I decided we were going to have pumpkin pancakes. They were delicious. Like little flattened pumpkin pie cakes. Here's the recipe if your daring enough to try...
Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups pancake mix
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground allspice (apple or pumkin pie spice work too!)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2- 2 1/2 cups milk
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 egg
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 tablespoons vinegar
Directions:
1.In a separate bowl, mix together the milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar. Combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt, stir into the pumpkin mixture just enough to combine.
2.Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot with whipped cream.See More
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Our Honey Bear's FIRST day of Preschool!
After a much anticipation, Jay and I finally sat down to crunch some numbers. When I started back to school this past semester, Brenden decided that it was only fair that he get to go to school too. It took him a while of pleading before we finally caved. Because Brenden's birthday falls at the beginning of October, according to Texas state regulations, he misses the September deadline and will be unable to start kindergarten until he is 5, almost 6 years old. I find this to be ridiculous. Especially considering Brenden's ability to say and recognize ALL of his letters, write his own name, dress himself and count to 30- at 2 years old. After searching endlessly, we found a private school that he can attend 2 days a week that we're all happy with.
He had a wonderful first day of school and was excited to know he would be able to come back and play with his new friends very soon. We're excited for him too. This year will be filled with lots of fun and excitement as the schools fall carnival is just around the corner and future visits from the fire department, movement through music, vantrilliquist and many more things are to follow.
His excitement was almost unbareable... I was on the verge of tears, while he was smiling bigger than we had ever witnessed before.
Here I am, trying to distract him with bugs, birds and plants outside in hopes of spending every last second together, before his first day.
As soon as we found his classroom, he was across the room in a matter of seconds. Even Miss. Meriam couldn't stop him. This was the day he had waited for for so long... as he was going to enjoy every ounce of it!
Even Connor wanted to stay!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A Whole New World
I've found that being a Mom has allowed me to act out more of my childhood dreams than I ever before. This includes the fantasy that every child should experience a magic carpet ride!
And what I believed would be a magic carpet journey of a few minutes, turned into a magical "night on the town." Enjoying all the sights along the way.
Much thanks to a wonderful Daddy for making this hour long ride possible!
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