In a nutshell, thats how I feel.
Overwhelmed.
Within the last year I've noticed a drastic difference in Connor's speech compared to that of Brenden's at the same age. I often find myself asking Connor to repeat himself over and over again until I'm able to make out some variation of what he's trying to express. And, with all the hassle of repeating himself dozens of times, he never once complains... Just repeats. And repeats. And repeats.
C:"Mommy! Yesday when we went to da stow and you bought da bahdujsbgkf, we fogot to buy da bed (bread) too."
M: "We forgot to buy the what, Connor?"
C: The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bagels?
C: No! The bahdujsbgkf!
M: The bag of stuff?
C: No, we fo-got to get daaa bahhh-dujjjjs-bgkf!"
M: Oh. Okay Connor. You'll have to remind me next time.
Failure.
Seriously. It's a complete Mommy failure to not understand what your own child is trying to convey to you. It's a complete Mommy failure to GIVE UP trying to understand a word that sounds like a foreign language. It's a complete Mommy failure to not know how to help.
Several months back, Jay and I got sweet Connor tested by and speech and language pathologist. The woman conducted several tests, and provided us with scores. She was highly impressed by Connors ability to use and understand language. It was his articulation of certain letter sounds that was concerning. He scored a 14. Meaning, 86% of kids Connors same age can articulate letter sounds better than he can. After submitting the claim to insurance in hopes of starting Connor on a speech regimin, insurance would not authorize treatment. Due to Connors high scores in other areas, his trouble with articulation constitutes merely as an "educational delay" and not a "medical necessity."
Call me crazy- but is it not medically necessary to communicate?
Thats when we turned to the district. At the time, Connor was attending Childhood Expressions preschool. His amazing teacher, Ms. Tasha directed me to our school district for help. Once again, however, we were turned away. Connors score of 14 was "too high" to qualify for help. In this below exemplary school district, one must score a "7" or below in order to receive help. They suggested I wait a few months and have him retested to see if his score dropped. In the meantime, I was to try to create games out of making letter sounds, and practice nonstop.
Which is where our repetition has come in. "Connor, can you say 'Sssssssss-nake?'
C: "Nnnnnn-ake!'
M:" Oh, that was good. Can you try it like me? Watch my mouth. 'Ssssssssss-nake!"
C: "NNNNNNNNNN-ake!"
M "Good try Connor. Lets do it one more time!"
C: "I CAN'T do dat with my mowf!"
Overwhelmed.
Mommy failure.
How can I help a child who is so bright, and so wonderful, articulate his letter sounds so others can discover what a fun, ingenious little boy he is.
I seem to be failing on my own. And unfortunately finances don't make it easy to put him back in school, to help enrich his ingenious- and help his speech bloom in a new setting.
I just feel so... overwhelmed. Like, a mommy failure.
